The Thanksgiving Diet...
I shall call it the Thanksgiving diet. This has been 2 years in a row I've missed out on T-day dinner. Last year, I had all my wisdom teeth removed a week prior and my mouth was too sore to eat anything solid still; this year, some rampant stomach bug got me.Now let's talk the benefits of this diet. Thanks to Mr. stomach-bug-from-Hell that my oldest son brought home (and is also suffering with), I have lost some much needed sleep, and according to my bathroom scale (digital), 5 lbs - since this morning. My best bet is that is fluid weight, since I can't seem to keep Sprite down, but hey, I'll be one of the few people not having trouble buttoning my jeans in the morning. :)
To achieve this diet and 5 lbs of weight loss in a single day, this is what you must do.
Obtain stomach virus -Try your local elementary school, I'm sure there's one to be had there. Failing that, go spend a couple of hours in an over-crowded ER.
Attempt to eat something - I will suggest avoiding things like chips or other items you may not chew as well as you think you do; chips come back up like razor blades. Crackers aren't much better.
Throw up.
Drink a bunch of water to get the nasty taste out of your mouth.
Throw up some more - if you're lucky, by now it's just the water you chugged down.
Double points if you didn't make it to the bathroom to throw up because you tripped over your dog in your haste and now have to scrub carpet or flooring.
Triple if you're not the only sick person and you have to help them clean up vomit - and vomit more yourself from the smell of their vomit - add more if you managed to keep said dog out of the puke while you cleaned it.
Realize somewhere around here that fluid intake is necessary, just not in mass amounts. Sip fluids liberally.
Throw up some more, regardless of fluid intake.
Weight loss goal achieved in approximately 12 hours of using this method.
All of this is meant to be satirical. I thought I'd mention that before someone gets their dick in a frog about how unhealthy throwing up your food is on your stomach and teeth. We've just got some un-Godly plague and I can't sleep for fear of throwing up on my bed or on the floor...again. Definitely not my cooking either, as 2/4 of us are sicks as dogs and didn't eat, and those who did seem fine. ibf
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